


is it wrong to pick up dudes in a dungeon

by zombiekittiez



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Bisexual Yamaguchi Tadashi, F/F, Gen, Humor, Language, M/M, Probably Crack, Sex Jokes, Tsukki is a DM, a billion background pairings, a billion cameos, add pairings as I go prolly, and the dorkiest, and they all play D&D, but mostly tsukki being paranoid, definitely ridiculous, drabbles about their actual characters, drabbles about them playing, first years bonding and friendship, main pairs getting together, oh god I hope it's kinda funny, the first years are second years, they're teenagers ok, tiny bit of yamayachi, tsukkiyama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 13:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13525413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiekittiez/pseuds/zombiekittiez
Summary: On game night, Dungeons and Dragons was the only game Tsukishima would agree to play.





	is it wrong to pick up dudes in a dungeon

**Author's Note:**

> I have very little excuse for this except my other fic is long and takes planning and some serious thought. This does not.

“I still say we should have played Monopoly,” Kageyama mutters sulkily into his character sheet.

“Nobody wants to play Monopoly,” Hinata rolls his eyes. “It’s too much _math._ ”

“Should we tell him?” Yamaguchi asks quietly, but Tsukishima smirks and shakes his head.

“Ennoshita-san said we all needed to work on our team bonding by having a game night with others in our year,” Yachi reminds them. “And Dungeons and Dragons was the only game Tsukishima would agree to play.”

“I’m not _playing,_ Yachi. I’m the DM.” Tsukishima’s voice comes from behind the folding screen decorated with a red dragon decimating a frightened looking party of adventurers. Kageyama eyes it warily.

“DM, what’s that?” Hinata asks. “And how do you figure out health? It’s the only spot I forgot to set up during lunch.”

“Dungeon Master. And it’s one d8 health per level, unless you roll under 5.” Tsukishima adjusts his notes behind the screen, angling them away from Hinata with a suspicious glare.

“Dungeon Master?” Hinata echoes. “Sounds like a weird sex thing.”

Yamaguchi laughs so hard that he chokes and Yachi blushes violently. Kageyama reads over his character sheet one last time, clearly Not Getting The Joke.

“It means, _shrimp,_ that I’m the voice of god in this world. And don’t you forget it.” Tsukishima says to Hinata before he shoots a dirty look at his best friend.

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi tries to disguise his mirth with a weak cough into his fist. It is a poor attempt. “Are you using 3.5 or 5e?” Yamaguchi peers over the screen. Tsukishima puts his hand over his laptop.

“Homebrew,” Tsukishima explains with great relish. 

“Time for the checklist!” Yachi pulls out a clipboard. “Character sheets?” Everyone holds up their papers. “Check! Okay, dice!” Yachi glances over the table, eyes flickering from Hinata’s orange to Kageyama’s purple to her own pale pink. Yamaguchi checks his pockets and bag, movements starting slow but speeding up a little frantically as the seconds tick bye. Tsukishima pulls out his own set of pale gold before tapping Yamaguchi on the shoulder and handing him a new, sealed set of forest green dice. Yamaguchi grins at him, sheepishly. “Check! Snacks and drinks?”

“Snacks!” Hinata smacks the bulging paper sack next to him.

“Drinks,” Kageyama holds up a heavy plastic bag.

“And we’re a go!” Yachi draws a little smiley face at the bottom of the checklist because everything’s complete and so there isn’t anything else to check off but she always felt like there should be a check for having everything checked off at the end anyway. The smiley face gives her such a sense of accomplishment. God, she loves lists.

Tsukishima pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and begins to read.

“You have arrived at the White Owl Tavern at the outskirts of the Capital of Fukurou. Each of you has traveled far from your homeland to make it here tonight. A messenger bearing an invitation sealed with silver wax and the mark of the royal house came to you weeks ago, informing you of this meeting. Though you harbor some suspicion over the circumstances, each of you have come to join this quest in the hopes that it will bring your character what he or she most desires. The tavern is small but comfortable and well lit. From the contented, well-fed faces around you, you can tell that this part of the country is prosperous and peaceful. Now, who is in the tavern? Describe your characters.” Tsukishima looks up.

“Oh, me? Do I start?” Hinata, on Tsukishima’s left, grabs his sheet. “I’m Tiny Giant, a Chaotic Good Half Dwarf fighter with two axes! I’m on a quest to find my sister who was kidnapped by an evil mage.”

“I’m an evil mage,” Kageyama deadpans.

“ _Seriously,_ bakageyama-“ Hinata’s voice rises and Kageyama kicks him carelessly to stop him talking.

“High Elf Lawful Evil Sorcerer. My focus is a glass orb of red and green and white. I want revenge against my former Master.”

“Your focus?” Hinata asks.

“What he uses to cast magic spells,” Yamaguchi clarifies.

“Orb of red and green and white… that sounds like a volleyball.” Yachi says. Kageyama’s face goes pink.

“Very original.” Tsukishima’s expression twists pleasantly. “And what is your character’s name, again?”

Kageyama’s face resembles a brick, deeply maroon and with a hard expression. “….King.”

Tsukishima laughs cruelly.

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi admonishes, leaning over to punch the taller boy lightly on the arm.

“He picked it.” Tsukishima holds his hands up innocently, eyes still full of amusement.

“Because you said I could have an extra point in Charisma if I did,” Kageyama mutters resentfully.

“You need all the help with Charisma you can get. Yachi?” Tsukishima’s voice is much kinder when he addresses her, which she appreciates. She’s nervous enough as it is.

Yachi fumbles with her sheet, nearly knocking over her soda. Yamaguchi reaches over and rescues her glass with easy grace, holding it out to her kindly. Their fingers almost brush and Yachi thanks him breathlessly, looking up through her long lashes. Tsukishima mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like _fuck team bonding._

Yachi straightens up. “I’m a Lawful Good Bard named, uh, Flower! Sorry. And she wants to, uh, make friends. That’s not very creative, is it? I’m probably not playing right. Oh my gosh, I’m ruining your game.” Yachi fans herself with her character sheet in a daze. 

“You’re doing great, Yachi!” Hinata gives her a thumbs up. 

“That just leaves me. My character is a True Neutral Multiclass Ranger/Rogue named Dash. She has a Wolf Companion named Hachiko and specializes in Ranged Attacks.”

“She?” Hinata asks. “But you’re a guy!”

“So?” Yamaguchi blinks. “It’s just a game.”

“If you’re a guy, doesn’t it always make sense to play a guy?” Hinata wonders.

“I don’t care about stuff like that,” Yamaguchi says dismissively. “You are what you are and you like what you like.”

“I’m still not sure I totally get it,” Hinata says. "It's not like you want to be a girl, is it? You like girls." 

"I'm fine being a guy." Yamaguchi reaches for the snack bag, taking a bag of chips for himself and handing Tsukishima a box of Strawberry Pocky. "I like many things." 

“Bisexual!” Yachi yells, then claps her hands over her mouth. Tsukishima drops his pocky. “Omigod. Like. I was just thinking, oh, what’s that word, you know that that reminded me of, cause you don’t seem to mind either way, Yamaguchi, and I couldn’t think for a second and then that popped into my head all of a sudden so I yelled it! I didn’t mean to say- not that you’re- “ 

“I mean, probably?” Yamaguchi shrugs, unbothered.

“I’d be a girl,” Kageyama says thoughtfully. “As long as I could still play volleyball.” Shockingly, Tsukishima doesn’t say even one snarky thing in response. Instead, he flips through his notes and clears his throat loudly, face oddly flushed.

“Right. Okay. So. Um.” Tsukishima clears his throat again. “You’re all sitting in the tavern, and…”

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be sporadic and will pull heavily from my actual weekly game probably.


End file.
